Forgiven

The echo in the darkness belongs to me
The frightening silence belongs to me
The want for freedom belongs to me
The web of entanglement belongs to me

For the said is not to be believed
I do not know what comes next
Trying to fit into my own mind
The threat of this moment belongs to me

When the mist shall fade away and images shall be crystal clear
When the hallway of fame shall blend into booming silences
The mortal in me shall run for a cover
And the divine would keep moving

The drums shall cease playing
On the final rung of the ladder
I shall entirely change my course
And I shall be forgiven!

The eleventh hour!

In the midst of a tumble din; you are the stability in every step…
In the wee's of a drunken nigh, you r my desire to reach home
How I miss your smell around, my world clogged with nothing much
How I miss the sight and sound of your grey wonderland

You have filled in my memory depths
With thoughts impinged on to the tremors
The life that I have lived thus far,
I have lived in a night in your arms.

Toes curled, lost in thoughts
The sheets engulfing me aren’t that warm
The moment you enter my sanctum
I burn in flames, cold.

The dirt under my feet
My battered cells
Half-burnt flames
In my shallow hell

Too weary to walk
Life seems far away
But in the last mile
Just round the turn

I come to know that
Heavens shall forever evade me
For I breathe in you,
My elixir for a life.

VIXEN pleas

Recede into your shell for my love shall batter you
It shall whisk you out of the permanency of comfort
It shall bring down rains in salt
And soak up each one of your memory.

Memories, far, far away that rest in your eyes
Shall surrender to me
A nimbus shall descend
And I shall rain love

I shall invoke more pain
Conjuring to rest ‘midst, dreams, broken
I shall walk the forbidden
Whispering the chants, long forsaken

Wounded, and still falling prey
To my innermost feelings
I have entered your zone of sanctity
To rest the demons and find my peace

Dreaded misgivings in full bloom
Thoughts, in a hailstorm, unsettled
Withering hopes, as I stand helpless
Is all I have to give.

Pointless existence

ll the bricks lead to the alley
The alley of engraved disgrace
It gleams with bloody memories
that engulf me upon thought.

Summoning the glory of the gloom
I revel in unspoken silences
Hallucinations are my only comfort
They, my only relapse shall be!

Broken wings don't grow back
But the world doesn't understand redemption
When you build memories in salt
The world shall not fend for them.

The pangs of pain shall go unseen
More bricks shall pile up your dungeons
Memories shall rain like never before
You shall survive a pointless existence.

You shall stare into the mirror
Counting the number of scars everyday
Its you and only you who can feel them
For the rest, its a pointless existence.

UNWANTED

A few things that creep up into my life nevertheless:

1. Periodic numbness
2. Pain- the fifth vital sign of staying alive
3. The ass-burn when you leave your bike out in the sun for long.
4. The rock salt pelts in the road-side nimbu pani.
5. Excessive salt in my dal when I am really hungry
6. Avoidable flirting.
7. Pointless laughter.
8. Writer's block.
9. Cash-crunches
10. Holes in my pocket.
11. Bland, clod coffee( when you visit that friend of yours and his/her mum is really sweet, u can't say no)
12. Forced opinions
13. The number 13~ And the jinxed feeling-it kinda crept into my system!
14. Over-burnt ghee.
15. The way a cabbage smells when it is being cooked.
16. Mathematics
17. Social Implications
18. Wearing all that gold for family weddings.
19. Bob Dylan, he's in half the places that I see.
20. Tabs
21. Insomnia, sometimes
22. Energy-crisis- the state where you do not know what deserves your energy best!
23. Agony aunts- ARGGH
24. Shitty history in social studies- Why do you think kids hate it? Education board, are you even listening?
25. That reminds me of 'exams'- do we have to prove our intellect?
26. Unclean shit-pots- while using the mall washrooms
27. Stale popcorn after you invest a good 15 bucks on it.
28. Tamil movies
29. The drab blue in my office work station.
30. Restrictions about getting wet- in the rain I mean
31. Superstitions
32. A day having 24 hours- who ever decided it?
33. Spam in my inbox.
34. Telecallers calling you when you are on your bed- err sleeping
35. Spinach
36. The stench of chicken-shop outside my boyfriend's bike-fix hub.
37. Jerks on road.
38. Roses- I hate roses, whoever made them.
39. Unvoiced opinions.
40. Juvenile men
41. Bosses-A person who exercises control and makes decisions; that's the dictionary meaning. I wonder if bosses ever take time to refer.
42. Those avoidable 'communist red' cars.
43. The whiny, pink-obsessed lesbian chick next-door.
44. That sweaty, hairy legged, football/baseball obsessed, wheel obsessed man-nerd in college.
45. Flies in my tea.
46. Faggots.
47. Gay bands and Gay music-gay works both ways here.
48. Obsession with cleanliness.
49. Compromises- I am human, sometimes I have to do it.
50. Religion

The entity called a WOMAN

We are living in the age of equality. I still see women fight for drinking water. My maid still gets hit by her husband every night. I come across women who do not have any knowledge about sanitation, forget contraception, its still miles away! Special schools for girls are always empty. There is rape, molestation and abuse taking place every second.There still exist villages where a female embryo is a cause of concern.
The Mangalore pub horror still haunts my brain cells. Love-rejects in turn endow us with acid-rains. A 9 year old Muslim in my street still begs her father to allow her to go to school. In this fucked up land where Gandhi sleep talked about a woman attaining complete freedom! I wonder if the species would ever live to see that day!
Isn't a 33% still hilarious in the land of equality?

After years of endurance, a final call is made to the Women Protection Cell. I am made brutally woken up to the ways of this world in turn. I am told that the In charge of the cell does not have time enough, to grace my sad-story. I wonder why has he been hired by the government? Let me guess. To swat flies with the so called files filled with emergency mercy pleas. Or maybe they are tied up with the tea board, so they ensure the board a constant revenue by consuming enormous amounts of chai. Wait a minute. They are not provided with T.V. So they jerk off with every incoming phone-call and make sure to ogle at every woman who passes that way! Talk about service that doesn't involve any problem solving and they are game for it! Now i know the reason behind the existence of the numerous women welfare organizations!

The cinderella dreams part-1

Finally a happy post on my blog.

1. Buy all the black clothes in the world.
2. Build an all-brick castle and decorate in a tamilian style.
3. Start a coffee shop.
4. Organize concerts.
5. Weave sarees.
6. Write a book and get it published.
7. Write weird-ass scripts for movies.
8. Own a coffee estate.
9. Write songs for an international band/artiste
10.Make a place where people in daze,pain and confusion can come in, stay for a while, do nothing and leave.
11. Abolish marriage.
12. Own a hummer.
13. Own a ship.
14.Drive without knowing where you are going.
15, Have an awesome bar at home.
16. Learn to mix music.
19. Design houses.
20.Live with Bapu and Amma forever. Touch wood.

The cinderella wish list

Song for bulldawgie aka Krishna

Well you came and opened me
And there’s so much I can see
I delve deep into memories
With every song you give me!

Then I cry a pool of tears
Get it out on the world
Curse the Gods above
And smile when I think of you.

In the midst of a conversation, a broken maze
A blink of the eye or a sorry face.
The look in my eye or the way I feel
I wonder how you know it all.

The sleepy talks and the drunken slumbers
The pointless drives and cash crunches
The problems on my lil shoulders
And ones on the so called heavy head of yours

When I woke up there was nothing in this life
But living was so intoxicating
Ever since you walked in
I owe my intoxication to you.

The torchlight fades
In the tunnel of your mind
It’s the way you see things
In the dawn, in the night.

Sometimes you just fake a smile
That makes a strangers day
You squeeze into the tube that is full of people
Make a journey to some unknown place

You borrow mommy’s pearls
And take pretty pictures
Some make wallpapers, some make fuck-aides
Some make the woman in the wallet that’ll stay

You read a book and write graffiti
Pass it around for people to see
Some forlorn soul, good at cracking
Will decode your number and call you someday

You talk about pain
Like you can see it
But have you ever tried unfolding memories?

Through this journey
That will last very long
May God bless you with bloody memories
That’ll see you through life.

BROKEN SMILES

Sun rays seep in through my window
I don't see them no more
You can walk in through an open door
All you would find are broken smiles.

I look at myself in the mirror.
My reflections when the waters move.
I stand alone under the moonlit skies
And stare into the broken smiles.

Through my eyes I can't see why
Someone so close still denies
My want of dreams and my want to fly
All he gives me is broken smiles.

A complete circle as I take
I move on in life, few breaths I take.
To live a life and take a few
My broken smiles and sunshines new.

Conversations

They hunt me down, they do!
Some pointless on the onset.
Some path-breaking, yeah!
In the midst of a chaos
Some conversations happen today!

They show me the karma
They talk of the grave
The life after death
takes birth in the air
In the midst of a chaos
Some conversations happen today!

A virtual stranger from Nevada
keeps me company every night
A drunken stupor... Some bliss of the drawl
A lonely traveler, some swami with beads
In the midst of a chaos
Some conversations happen today!

They rise out of nowhere
No ashes at play
The sphinx is asleep
in a stone of memories
Slowly they creep in, creep in to stay
In the midst of a chaos
Some conversations happen today!

So far...

I hung on, I stood my ground.
Walked through waters and sang my song.
Left my footsteps all over the place
Felt that a hike was no big pain

There’s no turning back ever
I see what I have left behind
I know I can reach them
But there’s no turning back!

Rode through the alleys, minus streetlights
In bitter cold and bright sunshine
At the top of my voice I declared
I’m all haunted, so stay away!

There’s no turning back ever
I see what I have left behind
I know I can reach them
But there’s no turning back!

People just throng in from nowhere
Some find flaws and tell me in the face
Some talk in the shadow of the day
At the end, I’m labeled a disgrace

There’s no turning back ever
I see what I have left behind
I know I can reach them
But there’s no turning back!

Dirty sunshine

Nothing is right, that I tell you now!
It’s going to be the same for a while, all right?
Every night young and alone too.
I wade into dawns and promises new.

Would you still want to be there?
Want to step into the dirty sunshine?

I’m filled with flaws, every inch.
I’m building castles in the air,
I lie there still on a crowded street
Singing all those stares to me.

Would you still want to be there?
Want to step into the dirty sunshine?

I look into mirrors and I see blues.
What I am today, how I knew!
I walked to this place and all along.
I was searching for the soul that belongs.

Would you still want to be there?
Want to step into the dirty sunshine?

I cry myself to sleep every night.
And wake dreading the break of dawn!
I move on, but deep inside.
Am afraid to live, scared of light.

Would you still want to be there?
Want to step into the dirty sunshine?

Drunk on teh footpath

Trust the glory of the drawl
The nigga' praises the 2-foot hold
What were a white man's land
Draws curtains over a woman's stand.

In the midst of it all.
I stand as a nomad.
An every man's woman
belonging to none at all.

The never ending hike to the mountains.
With spikes slipping off your skin
I tried to read your thought
But that mountain, it never ends.

In the midst of it all.
I stand as a nomad.
An every man's woman
belonging to none at all.

The drive along the highway.
With the Lord of the steer.
He tried to reason with.
His urge to win, he urge to kill.

In the midst of it all.
I stand as a nomad.
An every man's woman
belonging to none at all.

Mushy dose

"This one goes out to you ma Love!"


All the little guys should stay the fuck away from this one.
'Coz he knows how to make me smile
He knows how I feel at sunrise.
He knows why I hate fish, while smelling sea breeze.

You could never be one.
Even in a coconut grave
You were not one all along
You were never a man!

Sometimes I wonder where he'd landed from
Making me go berserk at his very sight
Is he yet to come or has he arrived?
He's the only one in the Roman's land.

You could never be one.
Even in a coconut grave
You were not one all along
You were never a man!

He makes my hair feel smoother
And the smiles just linger on
He makes the pain come alive
And he'd hit me hard in the right places.

You could never be one.
Even in a coconut grave
You were not one all along
You were never a man!

Would he row the boat?
Would he move in tents?
Would he clear the tears?
It's for him to say.

You could never be one.
Even in a coconut grave
You were not one all along
You were never a man!

YOU, mah low'

Flying a soaring kite

On a bumpy, dented road

The one that's littered with cinders

The one's you gave me!

It's all that weight on the head

It's been there forever.

The only way to nirvana

Is to kill your demons.

Crying out loud in pain

With blaring music for company

Footsteps with ink soaked feet

Trying to trace nothing

It's all that weight on the head

It's all been there forever

The only way to nirvana

Is to kill your demons.

The crawly, creepy creatures

That move in your food stack

It's all of them in there.

In your sack with enzymes.

It's all that weight on the head

It's all been there forever.

The only way to nirvana

Is to kill your demons.

The alter-ego

I have an alter-ego who loves the mess in my room. Who believes that my hormones would flow, just intact, even after the endless cups of coffee consumed, who believes that sex is the only way to nirvana, that driving through darkness fuels up amazing conversations, that mourning after death is the soul's way of sucking all the left-over drops of karma, whos believes that she has killed my dad when I was 16, that I have a body full of flaws. Who believes that she's going to die the next day morning.

She slips into the enormous amounts of a city-bus, stinking with the stench of sweat, smoke, different substances used to wash clothes, different talcum powders, perfumes, waxes sometimes, unwashed socks, paan, gutka all mixed together with a commotion of audio effects for a background score, trying not to remember that only years ago, she never travelled out of the comfort of an air-conditioned car.

She listens patiently to people, understands their problems, tries to be a good daughter, a good sister, a good friend and a good girlfriend, burying all the pain that's bubbling beneath the surface that needs to break free. She falls asleep every night, with tear-filled eyes, trying to tell herself that she is not alone. That the empty flat is one of the wisest decisions that she has made. She lives on bandi-chai and machine coffee, munching on a some custom-made junk solutions in between that keep her going. But deep inside she knows that she owns a stomach full of worms and a few killed babies. She suspects that she has Cervical cancer and that she's dying. She wishes to.

Because the day I've trailed away, my alter-ego has taken over. She badly needs a holiday. She prays for a lifetime hike to be granted. She wants to dream. She wants to fly. She wants to lie on the beach , with waves touching her feet and idly count the stars. She wants an unlimited supply of popcorn without havibg to earn it. She wants to drop dead while shopping. She wants to smile, like really smile. She wants to talk without thinking of the consequences. She wants to walk without expectations. She wants to be me.

Heebie-jeebie Corpus

Damn! They're just creepy as they flow

The heebie-jeebies on the prowl

They make their way to the corner nook

The creeps get creepy. Damn it all!

The unheard creek of the oiled door.

and the drops dangling in thin air

The bushes and the corpse they hold

The creeps get creepy. Damn it all!

The bloodshed at the sunset grill

The tears of glory on the sand

The newfound freedom in the swirl

The creeps get creepy. Damn it all!

The battles lost on the verge of win

The sorry status of the ink

The winsome tread on the falling bridge

The creeps get creepy. Damn it all!

The day you walked in, i just knew.

The vibes just vanished, they turned blue.

In the nascent glory of it all.

The creeps got creepy. Damn it all!

Bizzare nights

I have a heart that bleeds in vain

A life that cribs; a life that needs

I have a ladder built in pain

A full circle, as I climb again

I have a gist, I have it all

I have a reason to dance in the rain.

Searching for answers in the wrong places

Making moves with the wrong pawn

A journey goes unseen...A journey goes plaid

A journey just goes...life brings it on.

I have my footsteps, I have my prayers

I have a reason to dance in the rain.

Forlorn as a bud, as good as a thorn

Craving for love, craving yet again.

I bleed to death in nascent breaths.

The moon sets in while the sun is still on.

I have my thoughts. I have my tears.

I have a reason to dance in the rain.

The wind chimes move to tell a story

They dig in through every nook in gravel

Stones are left unturned at the moment

Like they live on the other side

Moving past people who painted in vain

Moving past memories engraved in pain

Moving in and moving out

Never tiring of it all...

So, I say, in a grave tone

Thetruth that lies, well, undone.

I know the myth, I know the story

that in the graveyard lies home.

To have a life and to give one too

And make space for breathers in the womb

And to lie there still etched in glory

The wind chimes move to tell a story.